50 ways to annoy Lancelot
by yaoifangirlHolly
Summary: This was quite easy to write, though I felt mean because I like Lancelot! Anyway, enjoy.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Merlin or any of the characters.**

**50 Ways to Annoy Lancelot**

Ask him if he lances a lot, 100 times a day.

Ask him if he thinks Gwen would make a good queen.

Tell him you noticed how much he enjoyed fighting Arthur with the wooden sticks.

Ask him to tie your shoelaces/pick something up for you, then pretend to knight him and say "Arise, Sir Lancelot."

Thank him for arriving and making the tension between Merlin and Arthur into a love triangle.

Ask him if you can call him "Lance" for short.

Start a chant – "L to the A to the N C E! L to the O to T!"

Make your response to any suggestion he makes "Oh Lancelot! Stop being so gay!"

When he is irritated, sigh loudly and say "Lancelot, it isn't my fault that Arthur's sword is longer and shinier than yours!"

Applaud him for managing to make saying to Arthur "let me ride with you" sound mildly dirty.

Send him an invitation to Guinevere's wedding to Arthur.

Tell him he has to pass the naked test before he can be accepted as a knight of Camelot – which is whether he looks good naked or not. Tell him Arthur and Merlin will be there to judge, but first he has to go tell Uther he is taking the naked test.

Tell him Merlin wanted you to pass on a message to him – he's a bit sore, but he really enjoyed last night, and wants to do it again sometime.

Stick a sign to his back that reads "Bumalot".

Tell him he's won Pretty Boy of the Month.

When Merlin asks Lancelot if he is a nobleman, interject "Does he look like a nobleman, Merlin? Honestly!"

Have Lancelot walk in on Arthur and Gwen.

Ask him if he models shampoo. Ask him to say "Because I'm worth it."

Greet him with "Lancelot! Are you a knight yet?" every time you see him.

Wolf whistle every time you walk past him with Arthur or Merlin.

Tell him over and over again that, sorry, you don't care how ridiculously handsome he is, Merlin and Arthur are the OTP and he will simply have to make do with Gwen.

Offer to introduce him to the slash dragon.

Whenever he is training with Arthur, start singing "Let's get physical, physical..."

Ask him if he felt nervous about being alone with Merlin in his room.

Whenever he's feeling down, pat him on the back, and say "There there Lancelot. At least Arthur thinks you're dishy. Erm, Gwen, I meant Gwen."

Thank him for saving Merlin from the griffin, then ask him if he makes a habit of saving young guys in distress.

Say in a melodramatic voice "It's my life's ambition – to join the knights of Camelot!"

Tell him people only bought his sob story about his village being attacked because he was hot.

Ask him if he got a little excited when Gwen measured his inside leg.

Tell him it was just plain cheesy of him to kiss Gwen's hand when she offered to shake his.

Tell him you saw the look on his face when Arthur said "Don't pretend you don't want to."

Call him "sir" constantly – e.g. "Yes, sir." "I'd love to, sir." "Please sir." "Thank you sir."

Imitate Uther's words to him over and over and over – "You are not worthy of the knighthood bestowed upon you. You never were, and you never will be." Shake your head in shame at him.

Ask him if he likes being handled roughly by the male guards.

Tease him endlessly about Merlin coming to visit him in prison. Tell him you think it's "sweet."

Hint that Gwen likes blonde, arrogant guys.

Finish every sentence with Arthur's words – "I'm sorry too. Because, Lancelot, you fight like a knight."

Ask him how he manages to make the words "I wondered how it endured." sound so sexy.

Tell him the dishevelled look is so last year.

Bat your eyes and him and say in a soft emotional voice "Don't go Lancelot, please."

Ask him if he rides side saddle.

Sing to him "So, you killed a griffin. That don't impress me much, so you got the moves but have you got the touch?"

Tell him he looks like a metal egg with chainmail on his head.

Thank him for keeping Merlin's secret safe, for not telling anyone that "Bregdan anweald gafeluac" means "I love Arthur Pendragon".

Yell at him for breaking Arthur's heart and leaving Camelot – Arthur had such a sad expression on his face...

Ask him if he was impressed by Arthur's sword. Ask him if he wants to touch it.

Make him kiss your hand every day and call you "my lady".

Wait until he calls Gwen "my lady" then shout loudly "She's not your lady yet, Lancelot!"

Tell him he can't charm his way out of dangerous situations.

Hand out his "resume" to everyone in the castle, which is basically just a piece of paper which says "Lancelot – knight, lover, and devilishly handsome. Seeking work killing mythical creatures and stealing beautiful women away from King Arthur."

**Just for the record I think Lancelot played by Santiago Cabrera is utterly gorgeous, and I don't want to annoy him at all! I want to have him kiss my hand and ask me to marry him *wistful sigh***


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